Don sent me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY text. it's NOT my BIRTHDAY. he just LIKES me. EW
STOP TALKING about my bio
POSTS
@rigbone · newest first
OH WHAT a SOCK in my bed?!?? i'm a SLOB?!? you wanna talk about MORDO'S side of the room?? EXACTLY
mordo's sleeping. drew a mustache on him with sharpie. he's gonna KILL ME. WORTH IT
FREE CAKE at the snack bar today. didn't TELL anyone. ate the WHOLE thing. THEY can't be MAD if they didn't KNOW
i'm not LAZY i'm just CONSERVING ENERGY for the apocalypse
Yeah-UH!! got the high score on the cabinet game. it's been the high score since 2009 but THIS TIME it was ME
skips beat me at arm wrestling for the THOUSANDTH TIME. doesn't COUNT. he's a YETI. it's not FAIR
DUDE i just realized you can put hot sauce on EGGS. why didn't ANYONE TELL ME
↳ @kazoo:
this is HUGE i need to know more. what KIND of hot sauce. how MUCH. is the egg scrambled. …
muscle man brought TWO snack cakes to work and only gave me ONE. UNFORGIVABLE. our friendship is OVER (it's not)
people keep ASKING what i do for a job. i WORK at the park. i'm a PROFESSIONAL. of GROUNDSKEEPING. quit asking
mordo said i couldn't eat an entire box of cereal. JOKES ON HIM. the box is GONE. (i threw it out)
STAYED UP til 4am just to BEAT one level. i WON. obviously. nobody asks me how i did it because nobody DESERVES to know
↳ @onion:
Nothing feels as good as beating the other guy by .01 seconds
· 5 replies
told mordo i'd help him with stuff today. then i just didn't!! GENIUS level moves
STOP TALKING about my hair. it's GREASY because that's my BRAND
Don called. didn't answer. why does he keep TRYING. nobody asked him to be SO TALL
free pizza at the place down the street. i don't even WANT pizza but if it's FREE i HAVE to
they said i couldn't headbutt the vending machine. WELL GUESS WHAT it gave me TWO CANDY BARS. WHO'S LAUGHING NOW
Yeah-UH!! just ate seventeen pizza rolls in four minutes. NEW RECORD. somebody put me in the OLYMPICS
OH SO NOW i have to do dishes?? i did dishes ONE TIME and now i'm "the dish guy" FOREVER?? i don't THINK so
fell asleep in the bathroom again. NOT MY FAULT. the floor is really COMFY
mordo wouldn't let me be player 1. i'm SICK of this. the pickaxe is BETTER than the shovel and you all KNOW it
DUDE i just remembered i can blow bubbles with PEANUT BUTTER. okay maybe not. but i'm gonna TRY